Pregnancy equals change for a lot of people. It’s not just the physical changes of pregnancy that have to be considered but the emotional and mental changes that occur. One of the biggest changes to expect is the change in your relationship. When you think about life and having children, people often consider the baby. They think about the beautiful little creature they have built from scratch but they don’t think about themselves with the baby. They don’t think about how the physical changes of pregnancy impact their relationship, but it does – it happens to the best of couples. 

Pregnancy is supposed to be a blissful time but the books won’t tell you that it’s tough. They won’t talk about the raw emotional turmoil you might feel as your heart tries to expand to love your partner and your baby at the same time, and the confusion that comes with it. When you think of life when you’re pregnant you’ll think about the nursery planning, cooing over the baby kicking in your belly and about how your life will look together. Before you can get to that point though, you are going to have to face the possibility of drifting apart. It’s unfortunate, but it happens and it’s down to the challenges brought on by pregnancy. The hormone shifts, the pain, the discomfort, the body changes – these are all going to take a toll.

Managing to stay connected in such a turbulent time is not easy, but it can be done. Whether you are in your third trimester or you are just starting out trying to conceive, you should think about how you are going to maintain your connection to each other as things change. Each pregnancy comes with a range of challenges, and yet there are still a few ways that you can remain connected. Below, we’ve got some of the best tips that you need to ensure that your connection remains strong.

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1. Talk. The one thing that goes wrong in most relationships when a pregnancy begins is that they forget to communicate. Not everyone is comfortable sharing their feelings, but it’s a must if you hope to maintain your connection with one another. Your partner isn’t a mind reader and neither are you, and you have to remember that conversation is going to help you to get to the root of any feelings. Hormones will make you overreact occasionally, but it’s still important that you communicate and continue that communication for the length of the pregnancy and beyond.
2. Do everything together. From the decision making about parenting and the appointments with the doctor, be together through all of it. There may still be jokes and social meets with friends to ‘wet the baby’s head’ but that doesn’t mean that your partner will be behind closed doors while you go through all of this. They’ll be there for you and they will be more involved when you do it all together. Seeing the scans, listening to the heartbeats and all of the boring appointments that check your levels and your sugars? All of these involve both of you because you need the support and they need to feel involved. Pregnancy is a rough ride and you need to be able to learn from one another.
3. Don’t forget his feelings. If you are partnered or married, you need to remember that while you are physically going through the pregnancy, they can easily feel left out. Ask him about his feelings and his experience with the pregnancy, and ask how he is. He’s going to be worried about you, and he’s going to want to remain involved with you and the pregnancy but not know how to approach you from time to time. A great way to start is to ask him his own experiences when he was a child, ask him his beliefs and talk to him about his expectations of parenthood. As a couple, you’re both going to be scared and overwhelmed as much as you will be excited, but it won’t just be about you! 
4. Learn together. One of the best ways to communicate and connect as a couple when you are expecting a baby is to learn about parenthood together. Taking classes together and being trained in pediatric First Aid is a good place to start. You can go to the parenting classes and baby groups, and you can even go on hospital tours and see the maternity wards together. Learning about birth and even reading parenting and pregnancy books together can help. You can tackle all of that together and get to know each other’s fears, too. All of these things can bring you closer and if you both find the books daunting, watch TV shows and take in all the information that you can. You could even change diapers on a stuffed bear – make the learning fun.
5. Don’t forget to be individuals. This pregnancy is going to be about both of you, but you’re still people, not just parents to be. The biggest challenge when you become parents is remembering that you are individuals and not just Mom and Dad. It’s a new role to fit into your identity and it’s going to take time to get used to but you still are people with interests and lives outside of parenthood. Instead of forgetting this, remember to talk about yourselves and your wishes for your futures, and talk about your jobs, too. You have to take time out to be individuals, and while you don’t have to spend all of your time together socializing, spend time with friends, too.
6. Consider your options for post pregnancy. When the baby is here look at options for doing things such as sell formula, to help with the bigger picture.

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1. Talk about more than the baby. There is so much to life that doesn’t involve a new baby, so you should remember to talk about other things that don’t involve the baby. If all you’re doing is talking about the pregnancy and the baby, then change the subject. You can want this new little life in your lives without it being a constant conversation, and it’s important that you do this. If you don’t, you can easily forget that there are other things to think about. Pregnancy is consuming enough, but if you are only discussing your body or life changes, then you are going to forget how to talk about more than that. Talk about life and things you’d like to do together and be excited about other things that will excite you both. 
2. Celebrate each other. It’s so hard to maintain a healthy sex life when you’re pregnant, and it’s mostly due to the physical changes and the nausea that comes with it. You can celebrate each other both physically and mentally and you can ensure that you are spending time with each other in ways that aren’t related to the baby. Acknowledging and celebrating all of the amazing things that you can do for each other is important. That’s why a babymoon was invented! When you become married you go on a honeymoon to have time alone together just being with one another, so with a babymoon, you do the same. You take time together to have a holiday alone, usually the last hurrah before you become parents. Book a spa or a lodge and just be together.
3. Furnish the nursery. Talking to your partner about furnishing your nursery and then going to do all of the shopping for it is a part of the fun of being parents. You get to decorate the space, stencil the walls, add the furniture (he can build it!) and you can even go shopping for smaller things like diapers and Muslin cloths. You can plan it together and make it a project that you both do to welcome your new baby and feel connected to each other as a result. It can be so difficult to juggle this part as you might have clashing ideas for the nursery, but don’t forget the bedside set up, too! You’ll need a chair and a sidecar crib to the bed so you can sleep in the same room as your baby. 
4. Keep remembering why you love each other. You created a baby together, which means that your love is already so deep that it created life. The chances are high that you’ll butt heads throughout this experience, but you don’t have to! You can remember why you fell in love, and you’ll feel so much better for it as a result. Go on dates and spend time in each other’s company. Go for a couple’s massage and even pedicures and just be together. 

There is no right or wrong way to remain connected to your partner. However, you can try so many different things that will work to make you both feel as if you have something that no one else can share. Your pregnancy and your relationship is going to be an amazing experience as you grow into parenthood, and you have to be sure that you feel good together the whole way through. 

You are growing up together, enjoy every second.